Post-a-mania continues--when I looked another way

Yes, I sometimes post as I process things and try to make them stick!

Update on the focusing on what you would like to see more of:
Scene: messy kitchen, dishwasher full of clean dishes, boys have been asked to manage the mess, oldest expresses desire to have nothing to do with mess, etc...

Action:  boys get at dishes, I suggested that the more they focused on what they were doing, instead of what the other wasn't doing that they might be done sooner, and feel better about the whole thing. [Sounded sensible to me!]  And, I added that done meant all the dishes were washed, even the 'scary' ones, and things would be wiped up...[on the theory that seeing what needs doing is a skill that develops over time--and it's not innate--especially in boys who'd rather be doing other things!]

Little working noises came my way from the kitchen, but no sounds of strife...hmmm...I think to myself, "so far, all I've done is change my own approach to the situation."  I was curious how it would turn out.

There was a significant amount to do in there, and suddenly they're both done?!!  I sighed a little to myself.

When I went in later I was expecting to see a few things shifted around, but I was really surprised: it was all done.  Dishes washed, and resting to dry, counters unwiped-which I noticed immediately--but I decided to pick something that was well done.  I called up to them "did someone sweep too???" [broom and dustpan were out].

Yeah...
Thanks!  That's awesome...
Yeah-I'm awesome...

And from there we had a goofy exchange that I want to remember...because he gave credit to his brother for being awesome too.  It was a very happy 'mom' kind of moment, because I felt my focus was part of why the exchange was fun, instead of being a head-down kind of moment because the counter wasn't wiped.  I'll focus on 'what done looks like' next time, so that they get to feel the accomplishment, which sits well with me, because if I were to put a number to their efforts, I'd say it was around a 98% completion...and for that, they deserve to feel their efforts registered and made an impression.

I felt better even before the results, for choosing to seek out the good stuff, because when I'm honest, I have too sharp an eye for things that are out of place, but I can learn.  And that learning is worth far more than a few crumbs...

I know I remember this better when I take the time to ponder it while I put it down here-so I did.  I'm happier with feeling happier, and I'm beginning to see the beauty of the process:  even if I don't get stellar results like this each time, I felt better by finding the good-regardless of the outcome...but the outcome sure gives me more food for thought!

Cheers and chao!