When it comes to moving, we're no strangers...we'll actually, we're quite used to being strangers, for the first while that we're anywhere new. This will be a second first of sorts for us. It seems the roads are leading back to Vancouver, for a third time...so we'll not be strangers. There will likely be a new neighbourhood, and I already feel that I miss walking from "our house" down to the bookshop and coffee store, the mall with the excellent-real-as-I-can-get Indian food, the Safeway for the quick shops, Cobb's bakery...a quick nip over the the other set of shops with the brown rice sushi...
The ideas are there, I don't need to list any more of our commercial haunts...what I recall from the first move back is that it was a different place, we had two more kids...different schools...I was staying at home...and when I think about it more, I realize a great, huge chunk of the time we spent there was me recovering from my post-kids abdominal repair-extraordinaire. I haven't thought about the weeks hunched over in slow-walking strengthening in a long time, but every day, I am grateful that I'm not in pain, and that my previously shredded and incapacitated abs are actually supporting me again-in walking, in sitting, in hiking, swimming, spinning, yoga, and pretty much anything else I feel like doing. Chronic back pain seems like something a person might just forget about, but remembering how little I could do before reminds me to appreciate everything I can do now.
The waiting game...
It seems more like being benched than actually playing a game. This "time on the bench" seems to lend itself to reflection. So I've been reflecting. I've also been waking in the night, doing the math on shipping charges versus selling everything and starting again...how much do I really like the furniture that works in this house. And yes, I realize that these can be considered trivial, but they are decisions that need to be made soon. Not yet, but soon--see? This really is about waiting.
I spent some time outside the city, breathing in the difference of it all, and realized that I've been readying myself. The demobilization is as much, or maybe even more, a mental process than a physical planning one. Getting 'fine' with the idea of leaving 3 years early, again. Accepting that keeping Spanish alive as a language I can function with will be much more difficult. Accepting that the kids will again have to manage an exit from circles of friends. Accepting that the travel days are quite possibly diminishing. Accepting that vacations might be trickier, but balancing that with an idea that maybe they'll be easier, since we'll be seeing the people we want to see more regularly. And all this acceptance brings back thinking about friendships. I have a few really excellent friends who've accepted the distance as distance, rather than the end of a friendship-for them, I am really grateful. There are those that don't survive distance, and that's more difficult for me to accept, and makes me ever the more reflective and appreciative of the lasting friendships. And friends...I couldn't regret meeting the people here who've become friends.
As always, there so much to learn in each experience we've had, and I'm working at taking that learning with me in as positive a manner as I can muster. This doesn't mean that I'm not frustrated with the organization that changed their collective mind about the project we came here for...which could mean wishing we'd not made the trip--but I can't ever do that, no matter how off-track the projects have gone. That aspect of it is out of our hands, we're in charge of our choices, and I can't imagine wishing we hadn't come (nor do I think it's worthwhile mind-spend), nor can I regret the choices we made.
We came here in an effort to be a family-in-one-place no matter where that place was; and we were--so there is not actually any regret, I am happy for the struggles--by the way universe--that's plenty... If we'd not come here, we wouldn't have learned or grown as we did...the kids are growing up no matter where we are, so there's absolutely nothing to compare to--we just keep trying to raise them with values that will serve them well, and hope that does the trick. I like them, and I think I would even if they weren't mine--but again, that's an impossible contemplation isn't it?
Now, this move brings something to the forefront that's been 'back-burner"ed for a while now- my career. The challenge now is finding the professional/academic growth in what I've been doing. The Master's is easy to frame--I am now a stamped, qualified, leadership and influence business communicator. It's the experience that comes to mind. I have experienced so much, but as a not-impartial observer. I know more about culture, via experience, than I did before...and I am happy for all the learning in that realm as well. Is there a way to short-circuit the return to corporate life? I think so, and that's consulting.
I can target projects, and use what I've learned, while I make my way back into a professional life. Trick: finding ways to do this, while keeping up enough energy for parenting-as that job never really gets less demanding--only...differently... demanding. And, I'm not under any illusions that I want/need to do it all; in fact, I'm sure I can't and don't want to try. This means choosing where to focus, and planning the business in a way that I'm the best contributor possible. I will have to give up some of the things I used to do...and that will mean helping the kids become more in charge of their environments--i.e. contributing to the cleanliness and happy order of a mostly organized home. As for me, I need to watch the battery, and make sure that I'm recharging so that I can give everything to everything I want to take on... exercise, and eating well are crucial, as being healthier means I can contribute my best.
Every time thoughts of food come around, I feel excited to be heading back into markets that I know really well--and to be able to easily make the foods that support my own, and the family's good health. Speaking of food, it's time to snack, since I just worked out. And also, I'm cooling down, so there's a hoodie that I must get--now. That's how the waiting game works...think...reflect...and DO stuff anyway.
Cheers and chao
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