I can work with this...

There's a post-migraine feeling that's not exactly a headache...but not exactly a 'normal' head either.  I call it the echo of a migraine.  At least, it's workable.

Started the day with an uncooperative child, did I say uncooperative? I meant downright ornery.  Got him pointed back in the right direction, but not before he lost some afterschool priviledges.  Sadly, for him, he decided that freaking at me was a fine choice.  I exercised my parental right to disagree.  Poor lad-he's just going to take a lot more repetitions with that hot little temper of his.  Lots more.  Striving for positive consistency is draining at times.  Note I wrote "striving" because there are some times...when I think the best thing for him is to rapidly and firmly set him straight.  Like this morning, when he was sent packing, out the front door, with his shoes and jacket on the step because it truly was TIME TO GO!

Upon reflection, when he tries to be in charge, it's a sign that he's feeling unsure or insecure about something...usually when Jeff travels.  It seems to bring up anxieties with him, because he snaps back into grief mode really easily.  But even knowing that, I think the best I can do is let him know that the boundaries are the same because if I let him go with his whims, I would expect to see the anxiety increase, because he wouldn't be able to count on me to be a constant, and predictable parent, at a time when he most needs security???  Oh man, it's early in the day for such contemplations!  

Anyway-I think he needs the safety of knowing that when he pushes, there's a mom there to say WHOA!  I think that's why kids test...they're looking to see if their boundaries still exist, especially when they need them.  In summation, I conclude that kids need boundaries, so they can have the freedom within them to experience choice and consequence in a way that doesn't do them permanent harm.  For example, every time kid chooses to control self, it goes better than when kid chooses to flip lid and loses priviledges...  etc, etc...

I think a lot about how my ideas compare with those of the people and culture here.  I notice that kids here are a lot more dependent, so there's definitely a longer childhood here and a different value placed on independence.  I saw a father bent down, tying his 10 or 11 year old daughter's shoe this morning.  SO different here.  There's a special-ness to childhood here that seems at odds with raising self-reliant kids.  Kid fusses, parent fixes, kid fusses, nana fixes, kid has a want, parent supplies ____.  It makes me wonder how the kids in this culture will function as adults.  But I often wonder, based on how some adults function, how they were raised.  In conclusion, there is no such thing as a perfect childhood!  It's just interesting to wonder about...

I often laugh over how each generation of parent gets to make different mistakes.  Scarcity vs indulgence, same house vs. moving, stay at home mom vs. working mom, dad who travels vs. dad who's home every day, parents who are away yet 'available', parents who are there, but not accessible...and so on.  I'll just keep putting some though into it while I fumble along and observe the swinging pendulum of wisedom.  

I'll also remember to appreciate all these moments, because there's likely a laugh in there somewhere.  Perhaps already...as I think back to the pink-faced, ultra-mad look in his fiercely blue eyes--reminds me of someone...those intense eyes of his. Maybe the basis of it is caring to try to do it well and appreciating all the learning that goes along with trying to be a good parent.  That, and lots of "I love you"s.

On with the rest of the day, now that I've sipped some tea, and had some breakfast (quinoa, coconut milk, honeyed sunflower seeds, and a touch of maple syrup). 

Chao!