This morning, while feeling a bit coffee-seeking, I feel much more clear-headed than I have in ages...or months, if I shave some of the drama off of it. But honestly, it's very exciting to feel kind of better. I'm back to making plans...The kids have a day off school, so we'll use that to get out in the sunshine a bit...I'm thinking beach. No, not hot sunny beach--west coast rain forest beach, or maybe the seawall and the aquarium? Something that has fresh air to breathe, at the least.
The mental relief of working with a doctor who seems competent is more welcome that I had even considered possible. There is a next step, but his plan is to go one step at a time; he's suggesting all of the things that other specialists would suggest (I think) and they seem reasonable to me. There's little point in worrying over something that hasn't happened yet, but if I ask for a detail or possible trajectory, he's ready with an answer--for me, that helps reduce the anxiety of wondering if there really is anything to be done (pattern of thought formed over years, and especially the last months). I am sure there is, and I'm looking forward to feeling better and possibly feeling fit again in the future.
In this middle ground of life, with enough behind me to have experience to drawn on, and what I hope is enough ahead of me to make and enjoy many, many more experiences, I am truly hoping to get these things sorted out-- I anticipate there will be some uncomfortable moments ahead, but I'm mentally prepared to plough through...I think...I hope it's nothing too, too out there~
To end on a stray thought--I wonder if all these blood test results will come back with the cause of anemia being blood testing?!! Better go plan to cook some meat and eat it like I hunted it....
Cheers and chao!
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