I might call this a WTF post, or perhaps it's better to call it "The internet knows nothing/everything"

Why have I dived back into the internet?!!

Because I'm feeling gross. Headaches, weight gain to the tune of about 2 pounds per week since July despite exercise, and (b)itchiness... Isn't that hilarious?  I'm both itching and grouchy.  Patience has worn thin with all this business, and so, I'm trying to figure out if there's something better I could be doing.  I've been to the doctor, and that's another start.  Unfortunately, I've become more candid... I know I'm an uncomfortable patient, because I reject all the usual Q & A.

This time around, I'm in a time warp - like before I was diagnosed (as a teen) with thyroid issues.  The same questions, all with my mental health in the cross-hairs.  No, I'm not a mental case at the moment.  BUT, if I was, I guess I'm glad to be asked???  I know that is the starting place, when a new patient shows up feeling like I'm feeling...I guess I'll see if the doctors are responsive, or if they're so sure of their protocols and diagnoses that I need to squash my health into a box they're familiar with.

Ultimately, this seems to be a frustration post...so I'm working through frustration here, as I type and ponder on the keys.  I look ahead, based on what the doctor asked me, and I'm quite wary that it might be easier to send me away with a psychopharmacological solution.  If that happens, I think my backup plan is to head to a naturopathic physician.

As so many who've been diagnosed with Celiac disease know, it seems inevitable that the patient needs to first convince the doctor that symptoms are physical, and not psychological, in origin. (Though for actual mental health issues, I think that's arbitrary...and fully realize there is interconnectedness between mental and physical health--just to be clear that my intention is not to minimize/dismiss/or stigmatize  psychological well-being, or lack of--I'm talking about attributing symptoms to their actual causes!!!) Then, the patient likely needs to refuse anti-depressants, while insisting that the feelings are physical, that overeating is not the cause of the weight gain, etc... and if the patient is lucky, the doctor buys the story that yes, patient is feeling very off, but not depressed, and the doctor can then keep looking for causes.  My skeptical outlook says this is a tall order, for a regular doctor...I'm going to wait and see how it goes; but obviously, and honestly, I'll be surprised if the doctor can help.

Maybe I just need yearly lipo? No, make that every six months! Cosmetic surgeons might oblige... Antidepressants just for fun? That would be an easier path, certainly the one of least resistance... yet, I'm too stubborn for that, as I know it's not the case.  If it were the case, I don't think I'd have a problem taking meds--but it's not, so I do... I have a tough sell whenever I go to see a new doctor.  Starting with "it's not in my head" never really sets a positive tone- though it might be faster, as I seem to need to state it several different ways to be clear.

I surely wish I could have the same results I had when I was in Chile, so I'm thinking about that some more, and seeing if there isn't a way to recreate the magic that had me feeling decent, feeling fit, able to study and concentrate for prolonged periods--in short, I'd love to come out of this unplanned hibernation. Meanwhile, I guess I'm just "patient"ly waiting for the test results.  I have a feeling I'm going to need to get creative, and seek assistance in the naturopathic world-which is what got me researching again.

Internet research, oxymoronic at times, has me needing to simultaneously eat/avoid the same foods, so I'm going to just have to try what has worked for me in the past.  No one knows for sure what will work, but it seems time for another trial.  Wait, I do know one thing - I can't eat gluten or potatoes! Whew, for a second I was feeling completely void of any real or solid knowledge- kinda like the internet-caustic comment daily quota, met!  If anything, all this does is remind me that I'm ultimately the one in charge of my health.  I'd just love to not re-invent the diet wheel for myself...again... but oh well!  The blog has let me blow off steam?!!

Cheers and chao.