despite my efforts, I'm going off the rails--I made brownies, even.

So, the only point in this one is that I'm rebelling against trying to figure out more.  I've grown weary, so I'm trying to take a sensible break, then start at it again, more diligently, and with journal.  I think if I keep the laptop handy, I'll be able to log in what I'm eating...maybe that will help.


I have been feeling out of sorts, and tried exercise to manage it, but I think I tried eating too!  So now I feel like I've over/poorly eaten (although the scale tells me I've been doing well--so maybe that's part of the problem!)...but this week has been a little...blecch.


My cousins have said goodbye to their dad, and his passing is so similar in nature to when Murray died.  So, although I don't know exactly how it is for them-I know that kind of loss is painful...  


Missing Murray and Avonda never really goes away, but this is a time when it's especially sharp.... There were so many more reminders of Avonda too, being in Saskatoon, and her neighbourhood....Then cancer's the topic, and I think of Jeff's mom, and all the grandparents who didn't get to be... there's just a lot of loss on my mind.  So everyone had better eat right, exercise, and be healthy because I've had more than enough of this death junk.


Perhaps I'll be able to return to the motivation to be healthy sooner rather than later...I just know when I'm feeling funky that there's work to be done!  And with that introspective tale, I'm done for the day.  It's amazing how emotions alone can drain my reserve...A good night's rest should help recharge.


Chao...