New - learning to say no.
Old - energy.
Over - feeling high maintenance.
So when I write that I'm over feeling high-maintenance, what I mean is that I'm really tired of it! Tired of being tired. So, over the past few months, I've been working on accepting that my function is high maintenance. If anyone else (other than someone with my exact same thyroid-metabolic issues!) ate what I ate, they'd be ready for nearly anything. They'd positively vibrate with energy. Which reminds me - it's not terribly useful, but when I see people eating junk, I feel frustrated and a little bit like screeching at them "WHAT are you doing, you could be so healthy, so easily!!!!" but I don't, because I'm not a screechy person, and who knows what other people have going on internally (!) ...so, I keep that too myself because I'm not sure if I don't want to seem judge-y or if I'm just jealous of those whose metabolisms work without apparent effort or attention. Struggling with energy crises in and of itself, takes energy. Life is filled with dark humour.
I've been researching (no shock there...) and have come across a few things that are helpful-including a book entitled Productivity, a non-fiction work. The others are total escapism into very cheesy fiction. And no, I won't share that reading list. It's R-rated cheese, and I don't feel too bad about it, well, bad (read "self-conscious!) enough that I won't share the list, but I'll share that it usually works out ok for the characters - well, like Disney ok, sometimes people die (like most parents in a Disney film), but typically, love takes the day... And really, they're that basic. Some of the better works on iBooks-- though cheesy-- have been interesting looks into how women can/often/do/might think...and that's actually been educational for me. The authors are certainly writing within the genre, but there's a general theme at work, and that's self acceptance. Why do we try to be what we aren't necessarily? Why do we try to not be what and who we don't want to be? who's watching and judging? (usually it's self, looking at self from an imagined outsider's perspective and judging harshly, in ways we'd never judge a friend!). Ultimately, what I found to be the most helpful or resonant themes for me are the "who are we living for?" and "how can we be of use to others if we aren't ok with who we are-in our own eyes?" Thanks cheese fiction authors, for the laughs, for the escape, and for the acceptance questions.
In all of this acceptance business, I keep asking myself, "What would I tell a friend, if she or he were thinking the things I was thinking?" and then, the most recent wrestle is "Why is that so difficult to tell myself?" I've written many times about "moving on!" because that's worked many times, and I imagine it still will--what I've found is that sometimes, moving on is easier when I spend a little bit more time acknowledging my internal environment, my health, and what I want out of life. I also heard recently - emotions don't care if they're convenient, wanted, unwanted, or poorly timed! They just are. That helped.
In the last few months of healing up my knee injury, I've experienced frustrations the likes of which I've never felt before. So, knowing that frustration comes from thwarted expectations, I've spend some of my focus on what exactly are my expectations?!! That somehow, I'll be as organized as I was? Not realistic, is it?!! That somehow, while my body heals, I won't be frustrated??? That's even less realistic, yet, I didn't allow myself my time for that, in my efforts to be less frustrated, I was actually feeling more, and deeper frustration. In all, it's been a painful, but valuable learning experience. And (un)fortunately, I'm sure there's more left to learn...
So where's my upside? Great doctor, great chiro, great physios, great massage therapists, as always pretty great husband and kids, friends...and I still have me. A tired me...but that's that. Accepting that my best is less or different for now- huge challenge. What it's helped me do is clarify priorities, and keep moving ahead--which is where I'm going now. Off for more maintenance, I am. After all, it's what I'd recommend to a friend...
Old - energy.
Over - feeling high maintenance.
So when I write that I'm over feeling high-maintenance, what I mean is that I'm really tired of it! Tired of being tired. So, over the past few months, I've been working on accepting that my function is high maintenance. If anyone else (other than someone with my exact same thyroid-metabolic issues!) ate what I ate, they'd be ready for nearly anything. They'd positively vibrate with energy. Which reminds me - it's not terribly useful, but when I see people eating junk, I feel frustrated and a little bit like screeching at them "WHAT are you doing, you could be so healthy, so easily!!!!" but I don't, because I'm not a screechy person, and who knows what other people have going on internally (!) ...so, I keep that too myself because I'm not sure if I don't want to seem judge-y or if I'm just jealous of those whose metabolisms work without apparent effort or attention. Struggling with energy crises in and of itself, takes energy. Life is filled with dark humour.
I've been researching (no shock there...) and have come across a few things that are helpful-including a book entitled Productivity, a non-fiction work. The others are total escapism into very cheesy fiction. And no, I won't share that reading list. It's R-rated cheese, and I don't feel too bad about it, well, bad (read "self-conscious!) enough that I won't share the list, but I'll share that it usually works out ok for the characters - well, like Disney ok, sometimes people die (like most parents in a Disney film), but typically, love takes the day... And really, they're that basic. Some of the better works on iBooks-- though cheesy-- have been interesting looks into how women can/often/do/might think...and that's actually been educational for me. The authors are certainly writing within the genre, but there's a general theme at work, and that's self acceptance. Why do we try to be what we aren't necessarily? Why do we try to not be what and who we don't want to be? who's watching and judging? (usually it's self, looking at self from an imagined outsider's perspective and judging harshly, in ways we'd never judge a friend!). Ultimately, what I found to be the most helpful or resonant themes for me are the "who are we living for?" and "how can we be of use to others if we aren't ok with who we are-in our own eyes?" Thanks cheese fiction authors, for the laughs, for the escape, and for the acceptance questions.
In all of this acceptance business, I keep asking myself, "What would I tell a friend, if she or he were thinking the things I was thinking?" and then, the most recent wrestle is "Why is that so difficult to tell myself?" I've written many times about "moving on!" because that's worked many times, and I imagine it still will--what I've found is that sometimes, moving on is easier when I spend a little bit more time acknowledging my internal environment, my health, and what I want out of life. I also heard recently - emotions don't care if they're convenient, wanted, unwanted, or poorly timed! They just are. That helped.
In the last few months of healing up my knee injury, I've experienced frustrations the likes of which I've never felt before. So, knowing that frustration comes from thwarted expectations, I've spend some of my focus on what exactly are my expectations?!! That somehow, I'll be as organized as I was? Not realistic, is it?!! That somehow, while my body heals, I won't be frustrated??? That's even less realistic, yet, I didn't allow myself my time for that, in my efforts to be less frustrated, I was actually feeling more, and deeper frustration. In all, it's been a painful, but valuable learning experience. And (un)fortunately, I'm sure there's more left to learn...
So where's my upside? Great doctor, great chiro, great physios, great massage therapists, as always pretty great husband and kids, friends...and I still have me. A tired me...but that's that. Accepting that my best is less or different for now- huge challenge. What it's helped me do is clarify priorities, and keep moving ahead--which is where I'm going now. Off for more maintenance, I am. After all, it's what I'd recommend to a friend...
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