And better?

I'm on a plateau, almost- no not hiking...just a metaphorical one.  I'm not getting rapidly better, I'm not worse, I'm just ever-so-slowly getting back.  I'll go with great gusto, and then flop, and some days I have minimal gusto available, some days, barely any gusto to spare at all!  I'm posting today though, because I've noticed something significant.

I need far less rest, I am more productive in a day, (i.e. the thought of walking for a broom to gather up the floor debris isn't as onerous a task as it was a few months/weeks ago), and I am feeling better. I  can hold thoughts together, as I used to, and I'm able to execute a lot more.  I'm feeling more capable by the week, as I look back. I'm not feeling any lighter, which is another topic I'm not keen to get into-but here I go anyway.  For the sake of honesty though, I'm looking forward to looking back on these days from a much lighter and more energetic physical and mental position.  This is something I spend significant patience on-because I'm constantly violating my own, personal preferences on how I look and function daily.  Daily! And many times per day...

Regardless of the circumstances of getting to where I'm at, I have to deal with a less fit reflection; the only help for it is that I am feeling better- which I mentally shout at the woman in the mirror: "be patient!" I yell-impatiently... My mind is firmly in two camps - one is a chaotic, crazy-negative place (in which I fit very few of my favourite things, and muscles I used to see and use have gone into hiding).  The other mental camp is a comfy spot where I am my own best friend, and actually am as kind to myself as I would be to any friend.  I try to spend time where it will do me some good...while at the same time acknowledging that somehow, this months-long dip in health and well-being feels like I've failed. Even though, maybe I didn't, but if I did, I'm on the job now.  It's a tricky thing-and so far the only sure thing is that I feel better when I take care to exercise and eat well.

Something else that helps me out is that I imagine, and sometimes have it confirmed for me, that when I blog, it helps out a person or two... It also helps me take stock.  If I'd gotten done all the things  I managed today a few months ago, it would have been a triumph.  Looking forward to more!

Cheers and chao.