Progress. I'm making some. I like it.

I still feel like I'm hill climbing, over terrain that once seemed flat to me--but I'm making progress.  I'm taking stock here, both to realize that I am progressing, and to appreciate it, because the hill still feels pretty steep sometimes.  I'm:

• sleeping better...
• the piano that has tied itself to me is more like an upright, less like a concert grand...
• feeling less leaden in the limbs
• finding that same leaden feeling is leaving faster every day
• my head doesn't explode as often as it has been-either with actual muscle tension, or patience overspending
• more patient (which I'm sure the kids are benefitting from...)
• needing fewer naps
• concentrating and remembering better
• feeling more "can-do", which is more like my healthy state
• feeling less anxious, which is interesting, because I've never felt so low-energy, or physically tired before and I'm intellectually (without the need to feel it) noting that there is certainly a mind-body connection there, between physical wellness and mental function - mental function requires nutrition as well!
• having fewer abdominal pains, which is great, because I'm learning that managing pain takes a lot of energy as well, especially given that it's just generally worrying, being in pain...(i.e. how long will it last? is it kidney stones again? will I make it through without an ER? is it safe to drive through the pain-literally-can I drive myself? is the cause of the pain something sinister?)
• less swollen
• having fewer and less intense pains in my hands and feet (which tells me that the hormone/metabolic troubles are lessening, because in the past, when the thyroid levels improve, the pains recede)
• feeling stronger physically, and realizing how much I draw confidence from being a physically strong person...I have been feeling much diminished, and that's been rough and worrying--it's generally very reassuring to feel competent in the body!

And all of this taking stock began because today, I thought I'd go back to the weights and just see how my body felt when I tried to do some pull-downs.  The weight I normally used has been feeling really heavy, along with the feeling of muscle and joint strain as I tried to do a few - to the point where I was doing a fraction of what I'd been previously capable of... This morning, it felt like just motion-no strain, no creaking, no trouble at all... And it all adds up to feeling like the road is still uphill, and certainly, getting strong again will be a trip--but one that I'm up for.  Week by week, I think I'll be able to level the road; and daily will become much less steep.

I've been thinking about health in general, feeling like I have a lot of work to do, once I can do it again.  For me, health precedes fitness and appearance; and I think I'm restoring myself now (rather than declining further), which means that someday, I'll be able to feel fit again...And I can't deny that while it's frustrating to have lost the fitness I worked hard at, I do know I've done it before, and once I'm healthy enough, I believe I'll be able to do it again. 

Cheers and chao.