We are still in the same strange situation, where the only known is that we're leaving and spending some time in Canada. I would love to know what we are going to do work-wise with Jeff, school with the kids, my school, oh yes, and a home. The good thing about it all is that we feel equipped to make whatever comes our way something good for our family. We'll get it all sorted in the next few weeks--just like I wrote a few weeks ago...[small, nearly inaudible, sigh]
There are still upsides all over the place--we might even need to decide if we're going to move back to Canada. It's just so much easier to travel as expats-because we're already living in a 'destination'. With mortgage payments and two cars, and everything that would go into setting up a house in Canada again, I think the travel/adventure budget would really take a hit. We've talked with Dane, because knowing what he wants to do is important information for us-not saying that his wishes get the final word-but they certainly matter! When the middle and the little reach high school age they'll have the same consideration. As elementary-aged kiddos though...their opinions carry what we hope is the appropriate weight for kids their age.
The most important factor, after a safe living environment of course--is that the work for Jeff is along a path that challenges him and lets him pursue work that fires him up. He thrives on challenge and innovating, and he gets a lot out of contributing to his field; so of course, I am happy to be part of helping him do that. I know that we each appreciate the other's contribution, and I am grateful for the life we've built together (with loads of help along the way!). He seems equally happy to encourage my pursuits, knowing the professional and personal satisfaction those bring for me too...so that all sits in the 'happy' column.
I experience life in a more satisfying way; and I feel, rightly or deluded, a smidgeon more like I'm in the driver's seat when I look for something to appreciate in whatever I'm experiencing or contemplating. So with that out, having to make all these decisions, and consider so many different scenarios means that we have an opportunity to consider what we would like to get out of life, along with what we'd like to contribute, along with the wheres and hows of that! So, no "unexamined" life here.
Each scenario has an upside, as I mentioned earlier, of that we're sure. The kicker this time is that they're all developing at a different rate...much of this decision will be influenced by what's ready when we are. So as usual, my brain starts the day in a whirl of considerations, but happily--the part that makes lists of what to pack is finally quiet with everything in boxes! Sometime today, I'll rejig the things we have in our suitcases to see if I can't condense our goods and have one less bag to haul, or maybe I'll go with one more bag, in favour of having our things a little more useable while we're on holidays at Mom and Dad's...hmmm.
And if having the goods all packed up isn't enough to enjoy, I have booked a massage to relax even more before we fly off. I always dread the flight a little, but this is our repatriation flight, so the fact that the seats will lie flat is really helping me dread it less, because I'll actually be able to sleep which does wonders for my energy once we're back on the ground in the Northern Hemisphere. The kids are excited about the pods too, and the flight attendants always seem genuinely happy to get them whatever they want, and when the kids are excited, I enjoy that too!
I'm having the most ambivalent good-byes here, because part of me is "chickening-out" knowing we might come back--I'm aware that it is a protection against the sadness that accompanies the longer lasting absences. A "good-bye maybe" isn't exactly closure-but I feel like that's the only thing we can say. I said a true and thorough goodbye, with all the sadness and closure that accompanies those, when we left here last November...It was deja-vu when we came back in February, and it's deja-vu again now that we're leaving again...I think if we come back, I'll have to call that a tres-ja-vu--that's a word I've made up when you do something for the third time-in a Spanish-speaking country.
Cheers and chao!
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