Middle man bottles it up, pressurizes it, and then lets it explode-usually. When he doesn't, it apparently makes his stomach ache. Call from school to get him, half hour of driving, and then chatting about how being sick is different from having a stomach that is "flipping", in his words, and a body that is actually "sick". Still, it doesn't feel good, so I let him know that I understood how bad that can feel-but because it's not being sick, there are ways to deal with it that lead to feeling better.
How to feel better is the reason for the blog today. We came up with a good thing in the chatting...imaginary worry balloons. Name a worry- that's the balloon. Fill the imaginary worry balloon with descriptions of the worry. (Let's the kiddo with the worries name them, and discuss them with someone who cares; and the next part is when I got especially encouraged in our discussion, because it's where the kiddo who has no control over whether or not he or she moves -again!- gets to establish a little more control over their own reactions to it...).
So there's the worry balloon, filled up with descriptions of the worrying, and it's big, and it's pressurized, and the kiddo is holding it inside. Not healthy...and it doesn't sound like something the kiddo wants to keep holding on to...so how does the kiddo start learning to counter worrisome thoughts? Each of our realities is a blend of what exists, and how we interpret that, how we manage, where we choose to focus...etc... I like to think that we can change how we react to the world by changing what we focus on-so when it comes to what might help a parent coach a kiddo through a challenging time, I feel challenged. The parenting fun today was coming up with the idea that he could poke holes into the worry balloon with statements that addressed the worry in a powerful way...
For example, the first worry balloon was "new class and new teacher". He described what the worries about that were...(so he articulated feelings, thoughts, and he was listened to-which I think is ALL good to do, for any kiddo, whether they're moving to another country or not). He was able to name his worries out loud, which is sometime all it takes to reduce their potency. We discussed that it could be great, could be bad, could be 'ok'...what could poke holes in that worry, so that it could pop? He's an older boy than he was, he's learned more, different teacher, different classmates, different school, etc...and while he listed these things for himself, he was into the popping metaphor. Really into it-making stabbing, jabbing, popping motions, popping noises, etc... "Hey, what's happening to the worry balloon?"
"I'm popping it!!!"
"What's happening to all the worries inside?"
"They're leaving!"
"Do you feel better without such a big worry balloon?"
[Smiled.] "Yep". And I have another one."
So we did another one, about missing Grandma and Grandpa. He can always see them again soon. Pop. He can Skype with them. Pop. They can come visit us. Pop. We had a really long visit with them. Pop. "Yeah...it was awesome!"
"Will you still miss them, and feel sad?"
"Yeah."
"But there are things you can do when that happens right?"
"Yeah."
So, overall, I think he was heard, and I feel like I helped him over a bump. I hope that it's a metaphor that is strong enough to hold up over time. The other thought that popped into my teacher brain was that he could even write it down like a comic if he didn't feel like talking...I also really liked that it gave me natural conversation spots where I could help him come up with some things that might help him pop some of the worries--a chance to coach. The way it worked, when he had to describe the balloon being popped and all the worries leaving, he had to make an escaping air noise-and it hit me- the worry balloon idea could even give him an opportunity for his body (deep, controlled, calming exhalations....) to help his mind with calming messages, and a calmer body to help him think and realize that he's in charge of those thoughts!
When we got back, he related it to his Dad, and we had the chance to say that we don't know how it will go either and we wonder about it too, but no matter how it goes, he has lots to work with! And he said no matter how it goes he has a family that loves him--(too right!) And we got to remind him that we were confident in him having a strong mind and strong body to use, which is an opportunity we look for more often than we used to!
That's my reflection on the day. And I did some paperwork. And I made a family financials spreadsheet. And I thought about a lot of stuff. And I looked at a lot of stuff to see what could stay, what should come. I think Christmas decorations that I got to take with us can wait until Mom and Dad come to visit, or until we come to visit in the summer, if that is how that turns out. Or, I could have a Christmas tree without the cool mercury glass bird decorations.
I have to go blow up a few balloons of my own now.
Cheers and chao!
No comments:
Post a Comment